Consent and Permission

Why does the word “no” fill us with rage and anxiety? It is only a word, it doesn’t mean anything more than no. In my life I have found that setting boundaries has been difficult for me simply because I have a weird connection with the word “no”. It has often felt that if I were to deny someone then I would be bringing bad karmic energy into my world.

I certainly do not need any bad karma what with the struggles in my day to day life already being heightened as a single mother and hopeful entrepreneur. However, saying “no” may be my new way to giving myself permission to be protected. This weekend I was truly inspired by those who did not join the circle for the hug. I was inspired by those who got up  and used the restroom or went to eat or even played with a toy while discussion was going on. It appeared abnormal at first, however the longer I realized I was waiting on someone to tell my grown up self that I had permission to pee and stretch and eat, the more abnormal I realized I was behaving.

It is more normal for someone to care for their human needs and survival than it is not. I struggle with feeling super human at times. That super human in me denies only myself of the basic human comforts. When it came to everyone else around me be it during the session, in my classes, and mostly to be honest in my own home, I allowed my comfort to come second. I was giving consent and permission to being in a hostile and harried situation because I was afraid of what affect saying “no” would have on the other end. The crazy thing is I have heard the word “no” more times that I can recount in just about every thing I have ever tried to do or accomplish. I did not let nay saying or the word “no” be the end of pursuing the goal, I merely worked around that obstacle. I trusted that I was human like everyone else and allowed “No” to be my liberation and hopefully salvation for who heard it.

My career is not my life. My life is my life. I believe more so now that I have to protect myself from the harm of unwanted contact, unwanted financial burdens, and other’s invading my the space I work hard to maintain for myself and children.  I believe that I am giving in multiple facets and in that it is okay to be selfish when it pertains to my physical, mental, and spiritual needs.

I am excited for the growth as a human I will experience.

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