"The pain of missing you is a beautiful reminder of the joy of loving you." -- Dean Jackson "Somewhere in the middle of our happy moments, we all sigh a little in the memory of someone we miss." - supta sengupta "There is no pain so great as the memory of joy in the present… Continue reading Questioning “Joy”
I'm learning the necessity of simply accepting when someone says, "I love you." What is the purpose of questioning how much, for what, under what conditions, and so forth? From moment to moment, I love and I am loved. Toni Morrison wrote, "You dont deserve love just because you want it. You can only earn… Continue reading Accepting Love Pt. I
I can feel myself starting to second guess and ridicule myself -- that's not okay. It just isn't. Ari. You have worked your fucking ass off and TBH, you work your fucking ass off everyday -- there isn't a moment not dedicated to personal and communal expansion. Your connection to the universe -- via the… Continue reading … Interrupting Myself
I'm being challenged to identify my needs and values. I thought this challenge was posed to me solely in therapy, but then at training, Ms. Felicia said, "Tell me what your need is instead of doing all the fact finding." She wasn't talking to me, but I received the message nevertheless. Asserting my needs is… Continue reading Needs & Values Pt. I
I've been thinking about falling -- specifically falling back... and creating boundaries. Most of my life, I think I've lived without any real boundaries between myself and others, especially those I love so intensely. I think this is because I understood boundaries as something negative -- a wall around you, keeping possibility and self-doubt in,… Continue reading “Inhale palms up. Exhale fall forward.”
Please share three important identities you hold and how they inform both your work and relationship to Black feminisms? Queen; Filipina; African-American; Black; Sister; Cousin; Scholar; Activist; Teacher; Pedagogue; Organizer; Builder; Catholic; Graduate; Student; Alumna; Daughter; Player; Athlete; Lover; Girlfriend; Niece; Friend; Delta; Descendant; Multiracial; Reader; Writer; Philosopher; Academic; Intellectual; Speaker; Co-Founder; Professor; Flower-Child; Empath; Soul;… Continue reading A Few Identities.
I think I've been avoiding writing about the inevitable: my own mental illness... Which I really never have referred to as such. I have many thoughts about the recent weekend-long discussion on mental illness. To be honest, I was uninspired. Unlike most weekends, I did not leave invigorated by a new challenge to see and… Continue reading A Reminder to Self
Someone says something to me. Not mean. Not harsh. Something. Anything. And... My shoulders stiffen, my eyes narrow, my tone sharpens. My body is seized, gripped up by some visceral notion that I am under attack. My thought, my comment, my idea, my intelligence was perceived as weak -- deemed inferior -- subject to condemnation… Continue reading In the Defensive
A tweet read: "I notice myself subconsciously holding my breath a lot. I'm assuming this has something to do with my anxiety. But I literally remind myself often to just... breathe. Idk if this makes sense. Like I'll recognize that I'm super tense and holding my breath for no reason." - @caveofbeauty This tweet was… Continue reading Breathing as Motion. Running as Possibility.
Usually I go straight to sleep on planes. And today, I am especially exhausted. But, I'm awake - so awake. The clouds are glorious. The light of the setting sun shines over the blanket of clouds stretching over every corner of blue we might see from below... But. Whatever. As beautiful and glorious as the… Continue reading My Accurate Location
I'm rapidly outgrowing pieces of me I thought were integral to my core - my existence, I guess; my purpose, maybe? Who am I without this certainty of knowledge of self? The growth is scary - not exciting like when you're eleven years old and preparing to turn twelve, but more like when my mom… Continue reading Care-full Transitions
I closed my eyes during the restorative chair pose. I was immediately transported to my aunt's kitchen where my little sister-cousin was standing close by and laughing loudly - unapologetically, per usual. My dad, in his yellow Navy shirt, grey sweat pants, and smudgy black framed glasses, came around the corner to hug me. I… Continue reading Grief: A Moment of Embrace
About a year ago, I saw Mr. Eddie Shaw. I was, of course, referred to him by Ms. Felicia. I shared with him that the cramping in my shoulders and lower back was inhibiting my breathing and distressing the rest of my body - especially while I was sitting. At the time, I did not… Continue reading Physiological & Communal Praxis: Naming Where It Hurts
In Part II of the film on the history of race in the United States, a historian stated: "If that's the question the scientist asks, that's the question the scientist answers." The historian was identifying how eugenicists of the 1900s were asking, "What makes Blacks inferior to whites?" Clearly, the eugenicists were originating from a… Continue reading Questioning the Questions
I realized this weekend that I have been complicit in white supremacy. At some point in my life, I developed an acute fear of failure. This fear has cultivated a sense of paranoia in my strongest relationships - I am always fearful of disappointing someone, myself included. This fear imposes intense guilt when I am… Continue reading Revolutionizing From the Inside
Throughout much of the weekend's training, and our discussions on the body in particular, I was consistently reminded of James Baldwin's Notes of a Native Son. At first, I was just reminded of a quote. Then, I was reminded of the multiple experiences that compel Baldwin towards self- and social-realization. “... I first contracted some… Continue reading The Body & Rage in Baldwin’s Notes of a Native Son
During the training this weekend, the following question was posed rhetorically: "What makes you human?" Briefly reflecting on the question now as I draft this post, I listed the following: 1. Anxiety and soul connections. 2. Love. (As Erich Fromm defines it: "the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own… Continue reading A Short List: What Makes You Human?
I am not much of a blogger, in fact I can admit that I am too much of a perfectionist to write uninhibitedly for a public audience, but I am willing to make the effort - especially in the hopes of learning a new skill. Anyways, while I was considering what to discuss in this… Continue reading Surrender to Higher Power?